I originally wrote this for a flash fiction submission, though I can’t seem to find where I sent it (I really should start keeping better track!) I’ve since adjusted it to move away from the strict word count.
The crowd cheered when I rode into the lists, though I suspected most of it was for the sheer violence they were about to witness.
Sir Blackthorne had just removed poor Gerald Withers clean from his steed in a single stroke. I swear the man reached four meters in the air before coming down with a thud like a sack of turnips hurled off a vegetable cart. Now, it was my turn.
My wife had said this would be good for me, for us. “We should get out more,” she said. “Do something together. Have some fun!” When the town crier announced the upcoming Maplebrook Fair and mentioned a jousting tournament for amusement and prizes, she gleamed with excitement. “You’re a natural rider,” she’d insisted. “You’re very good at jousting the clothesline.”
She neglected the fact that laundry does not retaliate with a giant, wooden, piercing plank.
Blackthorne loomed across from me, his horse darker than tar, his ebony armor swallowing the sun. He raised his lance, steady as an oak. I raised mine, which wobbled like a soggy carrot simmering in a pottage too long.
The trumpet sounded.
My horse lurched forward. His galloped like thunder.
I braced, lowered my lance the way I’d done against trousers and bed sheets, and thought of my wife watching proudly in the stands. For one glorious instant, I imagined victory. Me, the town tailor’s son, unhorsing the terror of a dozen villages! A tale we’d recount at every chance.
Then… Impact.
My head left my shoulders with surprising lightness and ease. As it tossed about in the air, I caught one last glimpse of my body slumping in the saddle below, still clutching the lance as if it was going to get a do-over.
“Well,” I thought, as dirt, sky and glimpses of my wife spun around me, “if this is her idea of fun, I’d rather be back at the cottage doing laundry.”
Absolutely brilliant story. I love the imagery here. Great fun!