Perk and Purge

A daily grind that humanity can't afford to skip!

This is my submission for Bradley Ramsey’s Day 20 of Flash Fiction February. You can find all the Flash Fiction Week 3 submissions here.

Designed by Freepik

PLEASE READ THIS ! ! ! ! ! ! !

We’ve been barricaded inside for over a month. We managed to keep them out, until one broke through last night and bit Brianna.

Before the entire system went down, we heard all the supposed, regular cures people were sharing on the news and online. None of them worked. Mom, Dad, and Will all turned.

With no radio signal out here and only static on both AM and FM, I tried the only other cure I knew about.

And it’s working.

Brianna was bitten at approximately 2:30 a.m. It is now over twelve hours later and she is showing clear signs of recovery. Here is the procedure:

1. Remove the bitten area if possible (a finger, toe, etc.) If the bite is higher up the limb, the limb must be removed. If it’s on the trunk area, cut away as much as you can, as deep as you can. A doctor should perform this removal if one is available!

2. MOST IMPORTANT! The exposed wound area or amputation site must be packed tightly with USED coffee grounds!

3. Once packed, ignite the area briefly. Allow it to burn, then extinguish immediately.

4. Treat the resulting third-degree burns.

I know this sounds insane, but isn’t all of this insane?

The user who posted this on r/ZombieSurvivalTactics knew it all along. They called it something like “the Perk and Purge method.” Everyone mocked him. They said it was a joke. It wasn’t!

I remember the user saying something about brewing the coffee takes away most of the acidic compounds. The used grounds are neutralized and therefore stabilize necrotic tissue without triggering further zombification.

Unfortunately, I was bitten while trying to stop the one that attacked Brianna.

And we are out of coffee.

I am writing this so when this is found, the world will know how to save itself.

Please pass this on!

P.S. I wrote this on the last clean coffee filter I could find. Hope it survives the apocalypse.

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